You are in the Power Struggle for the simple reason that you don’t know how to communicate. This is not your fault. No one teaches us how to love in a long-term relationship – we learn by trial and error. So, when you learn the core skill of my program – how to communicate and resolve conflict consciously and constructively – the dam of resentment will start to crack and let in the affection and love again.

I focus on doing more of what works and less of what doesn’t. Ultimately you will each discover how to return emotional safety to your relationship and get on the side of your relationship, keep negative forces under control and allow the best in both of you to take charge of your shared journey. The communication method is just the framework that will take us to this destination in the most efficient way.

Here’s what routinely happens:

– Couples who had taken off their wedding bands decide to put them back on

– Couples start trusting each other again

– Couples start making plans again

– Couples start making love again

– Couples start being considerate towards each other again 

– Importantly, couples begin having fun together again

– Children of these couples get to grow up in an environment that’s nurturing, respectful, loving and playful. They will observe how their parents communicate and this practice will help them in their own love relationships and be passed down through the generations that follow.

Many people are afraid to back themselves because they don’t trust themselves not to fail or give up. 

What I know to be true: There are specific skills you need to learn to be able to engage in healthy relationships; communication is the most powerful one. There is a clear structure and strategy I can teach you. Whilst I cannot guarantee your success or transformation because it’s very much dependent on both of you being committed to change, I have helped many couples have transformational success through this method. What is guaranteed is that if you continue to do what you are doing now, nothing will change.

Many therapists calling themselves ‘couples therapists’ don’t specifically train to work with couples and are in fact generalists who have specifically trained to work with individuals and then branched off into couples. Working with couples is very different to working with individuals. I am a specialist, I have trained specifically to work with couples and over 90% of my practice is with couples.

This is a common problem.

How do you even broach the subject without your partner assuming there's a major issue and you're really unhappy? I suggest thinking about your partner and what he / she wants to hear. You know them best, but really step into their shoes for a moment – what will their fears be and how can you allay them upfront? Some suggestions may be: 

"I know that I want to spend the rest of our lives together and so I just want us to make sure we have the best relationship possible by going to see a coach. It's a bit like a personal trainer but instead of getting fitter, we'll get an even better relationship.”

Or "Our relationship has changed since we had the kids and I think it's important that we invest some time in us as a couple again."

Or "I know that I've been a bit grumpy and hard to live with lately and I don't want to be like that with you. I think coaching could help us to be better together."

Relationship coaching will not cause any issues that weren't already there. What it will do is bring them to the surface so that all viewpoints can be aired and heard in a safe manner. From that point you can decide together how to deal with them. I call these your relationship ‘landmines’ and they’re triggered often in small ways, they may already be showing up in your relationship in seemingly unrelated ways that you haven’t yet recognised, or perhaps they often blow up and blindside both of you. We will quickly become aware of them, we will work together to remove the landmines so that you're free to never be triggered again.

This process isn't about right and wrong. As your coach I remain completely neutral and don't take sides. My role is to facilitate the conversation, articulate what I can see is happening and then help you both to come up with better ways of relating. Rather than feeling 'got at', the aim is for you both to have fair and ample opportunity to have your views heard but in a constructive manner. My role is also to allow the emotions to be heard and to search for the underlying reasons, beliefs and values. With this new awareness your relationship can move forward.

Everything we discuss is completely confidential and, as a coach, I do not judge. I am experienced in working with high-achieving, often high-profile couples who depend on absolute confidentiality and discretion. Relationships are tricky and we are not taught the skills that can help them to thrive. Everyone has aspects of themselves that they would rather weren't there and those aspects often show up most spectacularly in our closest relationships. This does not make you wrong, it simply makes you human.